


Dennis Reynolds: The Inner Workings of an Imperfect God

by TrashcanGod



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Borderline Personality Disorder, Character Study, Comfort, Delusions, Dissociation, Gen, dennis having borderline is just. so important to me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 11:22:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7616152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashcanGod/pseuds/TrashcanGod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Whenever Dee talks about wanting to act, Dennis tries not to laugh, because he acts every second of every day and it's really not as fun as it sounds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dennis Reynolds: The Inner Workings of an Imperfect God

**Author's Note:**

> A peek into the mind of a bpd-diagnosed asshole with an iffy moral compass, as written by a bpd-diagnosed asshole with an iffy moral compass.

Contrary to popular (and understandable) belief, Dennis Reynolds isn't naturally perfect. Yes, he's chiseled by the gods themselves and has a mental capacity far past that of an average human, but he worked for that. He's worked for every part of himself.

The truth is that there is no part of his personality that came to him naturally. He painstakingly built himself on characteristics he observed in fiction and reality, in the hopes that if it worked for them, it would for him, too. With frequent practicing in the mirror, running over different reactions and dialogue, he was able to build a wall of self confidence and charm that would disguise the black hole inside of him.

Dennis tries to be a firm believer that if not for all of the effort he put into himself, he would've ended up with the personality of a rock. In his moments of self doubt, however, which are becoming more and more frequent, he realizes that he really can't be certain. The issue with producing your own personality is that you forget who you are without the masks. Dennis is constantly acting to fit everyone's expectations of who he is, and if no one is around, then it's just to meet his own. He's forgotten what it's like to just be himself, because he's not sure who “himself” is.

Once, when they were stupid argumentative teenagers (as opposed to stupid argumentative adults), Dee called Dennis manipulative. He denied it, of course, because that sounded like a shitty thing to be and Dennis was absolutely _not_ shitty. But that night, he stared at the ceiling and wondered if she was right. Is it manipulative to change yourself so people like you and give you what you want? It wasn't like he could help it, he didn't even realize he was doing it half the time. Does it count as manipulation if it isn't on purpose?

It was when Dennis was 22, still lying awake with Dee's accusation echoing in his head, that he came to a realization: he didn't make himself manipulative. That wasn't one of the traits that he'd tacked on to himself, it was something that he just _did._ With this epiphany, he had found the one part of himself that was natural. So, he embraced it, added it to his character description and let himself go from “Dennis: Golden God,” to “Dennis: _Manipulative_ Golden God.” It almost made him feel real.

But then, as things often go with Dennis, it escalated. He began going beyond his initial bending over backwards for attention and started doing things that probably make him a legitimately shitty person. He has to keep with it, though, because it's part of his character now, it's what people expect. He managed to ruin the one thing that made him real and turned it into another one of his masks that no one can ever see past.

Dennis is always pretending, and he feels trapped by it. He feels scared of it. He feels confused, out of place, alone. Dennis feels a lot of things.

While he likes to act like he has no feelings, the truth is that what he does feel, he feels far too strongly. His emotions are too loud, too intense, so he shoves most of them down until he inevitably implodes.

Only Mac has ever witnessed it, having come home one day to Dennis sitting slumped over next to his bedroom door, as if he was going to his room but gave up halfway. He tried to ask what was wrong, but Dennis didn't even look at him. He just kept staring off with vague horror, and whispered, “Am I even real?” Mac stopped teasing Dennis about certain things after that. Dennis appreciates it.

Honestly, he's grateful for Mac, not that he'll openly admit it. Of all of his friends, Mac is the one he hates the least frequently. He's the one who makes sure Dennis eats when it gets bad, who helps him forget that he's a fuck up, who can actually make him _feel_ things like he imagines a normal person would. When he does switch to hating him, like when Mac preaches about stupid bullshit, or that time when Dee led him to believe that they were too codependent and that he was being held back, it never really lasts more than a day. It's always easier to go back with him, too; all he needs is for Mac to say something he likes, or even just smile, and it all feels okay again.

Mac doesn't know just how deep his problems run, but he tries to understand. He doesn't make it obvious, but Dennis has caught a glimpses of some psychology books in Mac's room with a bunch of pages marked, and he's heard Mac explaining do's and don'ts to Charlie over the phone. Honestly, while Mac reading textbooks is pretty unbelievable, the most amazing part is that Charlie actually follows his advice.

Whenever Frank is being an abusive shitbag of a father or Dee is poking at the flames of one insecurity or another, Mac and Charlie back him up. They'll reinforce his self esteem and help him move past it, making sure to treat him just a bit more gently until they're sure he's got himself back together. They berate other people a little more and him a little less, and once he's stable– as stable as he can get, at least– they'll go right back to normal.

Dennis is imperfect and volatile. He doesn't know who he is, sees a stranger in the mirror sometimes, fucks people for validation and a confidence boost, and will tie himself in knots to gain approval, but he has people who make it kind of okay. And with their support, he can make himself into the golden god he was born to become.

 

**Author's Note:**

> As someone who's diagnosed with borderline and has to deal with it every goddamn day, I really like being able to use Dennis as a method of self reflection. Relatable characters are always really helpful for me what with my lack of self-identity, so having a character who actually has borderline and who I can see myself in is a real treat.


End file.
